Eat Together, Make Life Delicious...

It’s never worth it to pretend in the kitchen even if it’s in the name of health. Are you scratching your head thinking, “what’s she talking about?”

For years my kids lived on pasta and butter, chicken, and an occasional slice of pizza. No matter how much I begged for diversity, they weren’t interested. So I thought, in the name of health, I could justify being fake. I was pretty sure I could convince them that fried fish sticks were really chicken nuggets and that with a little effort, I’d be able to hide a few things in their beloved pizza. And so, I began being fake with my kids and then justified it in the name of health. And it worked for a while but slowly over time I had a sinking suspicion that something wasn’t quite right.

You see the thing is, when you scratch the surface of what “pretending” and “fake” is, it really means lying. Wait, what was that? You mean…I was…Yuck, oh my goodness, I was lying and I didn’t even know it! And what’s worse is when I thought about the possible consequences of my actions I was just a bit troubled. After all, my kids do what I do; I’m their mom and so they copy me…which meant, if I was faking it to them, what was I teaching them to do in the world?

What a scary concept. Do you all know this moment too? You must, we all do it: In the name of health or whatever it is, we make it ok to lie. And sure I could hear myself in my head saying “but, wait! It’s for their benefit. Come on, what’s the big deal?!”, except come on, I knew deep down I was just trying to make lying ok by rationalizing it as the “good, smart, wise” thing to do for my family’s wellbeing. Who was I kidding…oh yeah, I was kidding me! And guess what…it was working!

And so I buried that thought and kept convincing myself it was ok. Or…at least I did until I got busted big time (as we all do) in the middle of a restaurant where everyone around was witness to a very upset kid. And you know, for me it took that moment to carefully reconsider what I was doing: I never liked being lied to and my kids deserved better.

So what did I do to fix the situation?

First, I confessed and came clean. I said, “Yes, I admit that when we were in the restaurant and you asked me if that was a chicken nugget and I said yes, it was really fried fish. And even though you said you liked it, I felt horrible, because I was teaching you it was ok to lie and that I was willing to lie to you. And it took me forever to figure that out. But what I know is I don’t want to do that ever again.”

Second, we all sat down and discussed the importance of eating certain foods and why. They explained why certain foods grossed them out and it helped give me some perspective. It also made me realize when I was a kid, my parents did the same thing to me. I didn’t like it either yet here I was doing the exact same thing. So yeah, I called my parents and asked them about it. And surprisingly they admitted their parents did it too and they didn’t like it either. I was like, OMG, what did I just stumble on? Was this just a trait from my family or could others relate? I was most curious and decided it was my job to find out (more on that mission later!)

Third, my kids and I made up a list of rules and promises. I was going to make an inventory of all the new foods I wanted them to try and we were going to figure out ways to prepare them together. The deal was, they had to at least try it and if they didn’t like it, we would have a back up plan. For us, we stocked the frig with yogurt, something they could grab on their own with no preparation.

And low and behold, with these three basic steps in place, our kitchen transformed.

It didn’t happen overnight but it wasn’t long before their favorites were a long cry from plain pasta with butter. And even though fish hasn’t made it to the top 10 list, we are working on it.

What I discovered, was that all the pretending took up far more energy than just playing it straight. And now when my kids take a bite of something new, we can all celebrate in the accomplishment. And as for figuring out the interesting legacy of pretending in my family, stay tuned…and if you can relate, I’d love to hear your story.